When Do You Know.. You have to step away ..

I had a very interesting conversation with a dear friend of mine by phone today. There are times, I love the convience of talking on the phone, and the ease by which we can just call up a friend from thousands of miles away as if they are right next to you on the couch, or at the coffee shop, or helping you shop for socks at Target.

Yet- there are some conversations, that just dont translate over the phone.

I was asked how I was doing, and I briefly started to explain the recent medical, financial issues I'm faced with at the moment- because me and this friend- tell each other everything.
And In the process, she asked questions that alot of people have asked over the past few weeks. It feels good at times to talk about, yet is taxing at other times. And is the reason I have decided to blog about the journey- instead of constantly sending out emails.

This friend of mine then abruptly revealed to me that she too has been struggling with a similar medical condition, yet my story to hers has hit too close to home and for now, has decided it is too scary to go to seek medical attention.

To Each His Own?? Maybe. But I tried my best to take myself out of the situation, to focus on my concern for my friend. I dont want anyone to have to go thru what I have gone thru- and it was breaking my heart to her resolve to not deal with it in the slightest.

I understood the panic in her voice as she said, ' Look, the thought of having to hear those words, " You've got Cancer, is too scary for me to seek medical attention.. so for now, Im not going to deal with it "
some other things were said, Yet- all that I knew was I was getting upset, as she was getting upset, and it was doing neither one of us any good.

My heart goes out to her, and others that are fearful about their physical ailments, for those that have a list a mile long of expenses, bills, and past due notices- with no job, no health insurance.. and seemingly no support.

I fit most of those catagories- Yet, In that moment, before I hung up, I said,

" I love you. I love you like you were my own sister, and in so many ways you are. But right now, I cant continue this conversation, and dont think you should either. Know I love you, and encourage you to make your health a priority before options for treatment become smaller, or you get worse. We are talking, but not hearing each other right now.. So, I ve got to go. Please take care of yourself. I love you. Bye .' Click.

I so intimately know that avoidance is not an option some times. I do intimately know that the burdens we carry, we can NOT carry for long without suffering pain and toil in others areas of our lives.

I pray that she will make an effort to listen to what her body is telling her, and that there will be someone closer than 1000+ miles away, that cares enough to look her in the eye, and speak truth to her.

For right, now, I know I can NOT be that person. I have tried.
My prayers to the One who CAN will have to be the extent of my efforts.

My focus has to be on keeping my stress level at a minimum, search for employment, continue to pray that the unemployment benefits come thru, and that I continue to surround myself with people and things that will keep me focused on What truly matters.

Yet, I will always love my dear friend. Even sister friends have spats. So much was said, and with out eye contact, I hope over the phone, my concern came across as Love.

Sometimes you just need to stop mid sentence, and give up the battle, the concern, the whole shebang situation to the God of all Understanding.

This was one of those times.