Lets flip the calendar back a few months...

Although, Im still in the process of recovering from a total thyroidectomy- I wanted to talk abot what led me to this point. I had been under care for a few other ailments, and one of which was cysts of my ovaries, and uterus. Being of Childbearing years- it has been decided by my medical professionals to take a ' watchful waiting' approach. Which means that I will be going in several times a year for ultrasounds to check the status of these cysts and fibroids.

Most cysts, dissolve on their own. Some need medicine or surgery. As for now- mine are ok to stay in the ' Watchful waiting' approach.

I was told in Nov 2008 that not only did I have these cysts in and on my reporoductive organs, my thyroid levels were not up to normal.

I was sent to an amazing Endochronologist in the Chicago area, and she took a look at my lab work and began the physical exam. She had informed me that my Thyroid was severely enlarged and that she could feel several tumors ( nodules ) on both sides of the gland.

I was scheduled for the first round of Thyroid ultrasounds the first week of December 2008.

The Thyroid Ultrasound did reveal that there were atleast 5 nodules on each side of the Thyroid yet all looked to be non-cancerous. I was told by the radiologist to follow up in 6 months and my Endochronologist put me on a Medicine that would in essence tell my Thyroid- ' Hey, dont worry about coming to work today, I got things under control.. no need to do anything'.

This medicine works in a lot of paitents, and may reduce the enlargement- reverse the Chronic Thyroid condition. But in my case, it was not effective.

in May 2009, coincedentaly on the day I was given a pink slip- I had scheduled my follow up Pelvic and Thyroid ultrasounds.

I got a report a week later that my Thyroid did not shrink- in fact it was larger and the nodules were still there, and there was one in particular on my left side that does warrant a biopsy.

My Endochronologist is known for being aggressive, that is why I love her so. The meds she put me on back in November, did make me feel better, and allow a great deal of the medical issues to lessen or resolve completely.

When I went into her office on Monday, May 18th.. she enters the office and declares.. " Well, Julie Im happy to see you, yet i have bad news. We need to remove the Thyroid. The medicine is not working. This will be a life long chronic condition for you that will get worse and may never get better. The only way we can stop the turmoil, is to remove the Thyroid completely.'

I wish I could articulate the instant panic, and feeling like I failed my body, yet again.. that I felt within the seconds that elapsed after her announcement.

I responded, ' I did research back in November and everything I read told me that having this surgery can damage my vocal chords. Is there a gaurentee that my voice wont be changed, damaged?'

Her not-knowing eyes saw the tears streaming down my face, and she said " this surgery does come with risks, and one of which will be the change of your voice. There is a HUGE RISK THAT YOUR SPEAKING VOICE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.'

I ask somehow inbetween shock laden tears, ' Will I ever be able to sing?'

Enter the point in my life story, that defines me as a person, and most of my journey- - Im a singer-songwriter. I have sung tv commercials, tv shows, and most music styles incessantly since I was a toddler. Music, besides my Faith, and Identity as a Christian, is my lifeline.

So, when my Endochronologist responded, ' Well, Julie, its not like you are a Singer, because you more than likely will never be able to sing after this surgery.'

To which I responded, ' But I know its not on my registration application, and we have never talked about it, but I am a singer. I sing every day, most of my day, when Im Happy, Sad, Bored, and when Im not even aware Im doing it. There has to be a better way to deal with this.'

To which she replied, lets get you to a ENT ( Ear Nose and Throat Specialist ) and we will see what other options are available to you. It was not my imagination, my Endo looked at me with such a pathetic look. As if to say, 'Im sorry. I can help heal alot of things, but a broken heart.. I dont think I can help you. '

And she was and IS so right. I had already cried tears of pleading, and despair to God back in November and a dear Spiritual Mentor, Glenda, told me... ' I know this is not what you want to happen. But God Calls us to not put anything above Him. Not music, Not your voice.. Nothing.

This seems to me that He is putting that thought upon your heart, and He is waiting for you to offer your voice up to Him. He may give it right back.. but that is what I believe he is calling you to do.'

I wasn't ready to hear that.

God Knew that. It took From November 2008 until May 2009 for God to ask me again.

This time, he was a little more assertive.

And as I waiting in the office of the ENT, and the door opened and the Stranger/Specialist/Surgeon walked in... The greatest sense of Peace ushered into that room.

I can not begin to tell you the absolute Leveling of Fear, Anxiety, and Doubt that occured in that instant.

For what I do believe I didn't offer up to God fully, He met me more than half way. I showed up and God Delivered powerfully on every one of His promises.

No matter what Happened- He would never leave my side.

Life happens randomly it seems, but there are times where it is obvious that God moves mountains and makes room in Specialists Appointment Schedules, and uses people in our every day life to embrace us in ways that renew our Faith in Him. And lift us up when we feel we can not move forward.

For in reality- anything good we do is not by our own doing.

By the time I left the office, a different well of tears was tapped. Tears of Peace, and Surrender, and Awe.

Surgery was scheduled for the following week.

The following posts will talk about the procedure, and with Pictures, I document the healing process.

In His Name,

Julie